Fernanda Navarro

• Name: Fernanda Navarro
• Originally from: Mexico
• Age and gender of your child: Daughter, 18 months
• What surprised you most about becoming a mom? Motherhood came together with living with my partner for the first time, so it was a complete initiation. I feel like I crossed a portal. All my life, it was just myself. Suddenly, I’m running a household. Now my wellbeing directly affects two other people. It was a huge shift to go from thinking just about me to balancing a family.

Interview

"Your kids need you as you are, with everything that you have — including your limitations and the things you don’t like about yourself."

What was your most recent parenting win?

Finally flowing with food. I have a picky eater and I have found a couple of foods and tricks that work 70% of the time. For me, that already feels like a win!

What’s been easier about having a kid than you thought it would be?

How easy it is to communicate with her. We really understand each other, even without words.

It makes me think of when I was a girl and my mom knew something about me that I didn’t tell her. When I asked her how she knew, she would say “Pues yo te parí!” (”Well, I gave birth to you!”)

What’s been more challenging?

Learning to recognize, validate, and ask for what I need, and really committing to make it happen.

What has being a parent taught you about yourself?

I’ve learned that nurture is second nature for me. I wasn’t surprised to learn this about myself — I’m a Cancer after all! — but I didn’t know how deeply fulfilling nurturing would be for me.

One day I was cooking when my daughter reached for me. I immediately stopped and sat on the ground — surounded by toys scattered all over the floor, the soup still on the stove. I grabbed her in my arms and started breastfeeding her, and I felt SO whole. In that moment, I thought: “I was born to do this.”

What have you been surprised to learn about your kid?

She’s a big helper! As soon as I open the dishwasher, she runs to help me unload it. She wants to get involved in everything we do, and she’s surprisingly skillful at it. It’s adorable.

What’s the last kid-related thing you've looked up on Google?

Can I use breast milk to treat my baby’s eye infection?

“I’m now an ‘armchair expert’ in…

Going through life with just one hand.

What do you love about having a kid in the Netherlands?

How pretty the city is. It might sound shallow, but Amsterdam’s beauty has really impacted me. Last winter was the toughest winter of my life: my first Dutch winter, with a newborn and no family or friends around. I was having such a hard time, to the point where I was ready to go back to Mexico. Then one day at the beginning of Spring, I went out for a walk and the beauty of the city was so breathtaking. I felt as if the city were telling me: “Please give this a chance.” So I stayed.

What’s your best piece of advice for parents-to-be or new parents?

Your kids need you as you are, with everything that you have — including your limitations and the things you don’t like about yourself. Trying to be something you’re not is more detrimental than just giving what you have, even if it feels like it’s so little.

When my daughter was born, I was determined to give her all the attention I didn’t get growing up. I was forcing myself so much to be present for her that it had the opposite effect; I just ended up frustrated and angry with myself, buried in my thoughts and worried about all the pain that my lack of attention was causing her.

I was confronted with the fact that I don’t know how to be present as much as I want to be, and that I was only hurting myself trying to be something I’m not. It was very painful and humbling to realize that I don’t have what I want to give her. I have now accepted that I am calm enough to give her what I can, and that’s enough.

What do you wish you had known before becoming a parent?

How much help is needed, and that two people can’t do it alone without burning out. Honestly, if I had known this I would have given birth in Mexico and only moved to the Netherlands after my daughter was 6 months old — or I would have found a way to bring my mom to Amsterdam for a few months.

Thank you for spending this time with us and Fernanda! If you know any parents who’d be interested in chatting with us, please let us know here.

Please note that this interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.