Markus Appelman

Name: Markus Appelman
Originally from: Austria
How long have you lived in Amsterdam? Almost 15 years...time flies.
Age and gender of your child: Daughter, 16 months old
What surprised you most about becoming a dad? How much love you can feel for someone that makes your life so hard 😁

Interview

"Don't be ashamed to ask for advice and help from your network. They say it takes a village to raise a child, and in the city you have to create your own village."

What was your most recent parenting win?

Teaching our daughter how to choose her own clothes in the morning. (Between two options, but still!) And in general that I let my daughter explore as much as she wants. She really enjoys that.

What’s been easier about having a kid than you thought it would be?

How easy it ultimately is to keep a baby alive and happy. It is a lot of work, but every single task is actually very doable if you think about it. Oh, and dealing with the messier things of having a child is much less gross than I thought it would be.

What’s been more challenging?

I always thought that I was a person who didn't need a lot of sleep. I completely underestimated what prolonged sleep deprivation does to your brain.

What is specifically challenging about the sleep deprivation? For me — because I obviously suffer from this, too — I find that it's hard to be sluggish when I have such an active toddler. I also sometimes feel less patient when I'm tired, and need to be more mindful about it.

Specifically, there are two things that I find challenging about the lack of sleep: First of all there are the physical impacts: Feeling sluggish, low energy, even stupid and — accompanying that — the fact that my mood is a lot worse than it usually would be. I notice this not only with my daughter but also in many other situations at work or in the home where I get annoyed much quicker and have less control over my emotions than after a full night's sleep.

The second point for me is that I feel helpless and out of control. As much as I might plan about my night or my day, everything is ultimately dictated by how the night goes. That just doesn't work very well with my character, but I am getting better at just going with the flow!

What has being a parent taught you about yourself?

It doesn't matter how tired and frustrated I feel, there is always a way to take a deep breath, put on a smile and carry on.

What have you been surprised to learn about your kid?

That she is absolutely fearless. She wants to constantly explore and easily gets bored if she stays in the same space too long. She also eagerly engages with other parents and constantly tries to steal toys from other kids, even if they are a lot bigger...

Definitely recipes. Always more recipes 😝

I’m now an ‘armchair expert’ in…

All the best places to take an active toddler to in Amsterdam. There are lots of sources to comb through: Instagram, WipWap, all the WhatsApp groups, newsletters like Amsterdam Parent Project, etc. Whenever I see something that is worth checking out, I make a note and hopefully don't forget about it.

What do you love about having a kid in the Netherlands?

How safe it feels, both in terms of traffic but also when going to a playground. I never have an unsafe feeling with the people that are there with me, and the comparably manageable traffic allows my daughter to explore much more than she would otherwise.

What’s your best piece of advice for parents-to-be or new parents?

Don't be afraid, you got this! And don't be ashamed to ask for advice and help from your network. To be honest, I don't think I was all that successful in building my network in Amsterdam. For me, my network is mostly people that I knew before becoming a parent that already have kids. And almost all of them live outside Amsterdam or even the Netherlands. They say it takes a village to raise a child, and in the city you have to create your own village.