Vivi & Liam on organzing communities for parents, as a family

• Names: Vivian Tsiataki & Liam Moclair
• Originally from: Vivi from Greece & Liam from the UK
• How long have you lived in Amsterdam? Since 2012, so almost 14 years
• Children: 1 son (4.5 years old) and 1 daughter (2.5 years old)

Interview

"I think we both wanted to create a safe environment where we feel seen and heard by like-minded people." - Vivian

You both lead communities focused on parenthood: "Dads Do Art" and "Greek Mamas In NL." What inspired each of you to start these projects, and how do your missions overlap?

Vivi:

I created the community for Greek Mamas In NL about 1.5 years ago when I felt the need to create and share more opportunities for our kids to be exposed to the Greek language through playdates and other Greek speaking events in the Netherlands. In addition to that, I found it really important to build a safe space for Greek mums to find support, information, community and connection with other mums that speak the same language — literally, but also metaphorically. I think we both wanted to create a safe environment where we feel seen and heard by like-minded people.

Liam:

I kind of fell into it by accident. I randomly came across an initiative by Art Connects New West in my local OBA in Osdorp, and realised I knew the organiser Iza from the past (before becoming parents!), which made me feel welcome. However, when I attended the class and looked around, I noticed it was mostly all mums. When I asked Iza about it, she said that she struggled to attract dads. (Editor's note: Liam and I had the same conversation at an APP event shortly after!)

After the next class, I got up the courage to ask Iza whether she'd like to work together to get more dads. I mention courage, because I was constantly battling with my inner voice saying: "Who do you think you are to do something like this?" But with time, I could quieten that voice down when embracing the "Be the change you want to see" mindset. And so Dads Do Art was created — and it has even been renewed at our local OBA. I am super excited to get back to it!

I saw and supported Vivi to go into what looks like a "saturated" market of mums doing stuff, and through hard work and perseverance mould out her own unique corner of it. I thought: If she can do that, then I could get over my own insecurities and imposter syndrome and give it a go as well.

What has the dual role of "parent and organizer" taught you about yourselves, both individually and as a team?

Vivi:

To trust my instincts more. See what feels "right" and try and not to be afraid to get a bit out of my comfort zone, one step at a time. I have come to realise how important it is to use each other's strengths to be able to support each other during this wonderful journey as parents and community organizers.

Liam:

Plainly and simply, I think it comes down to this: "Slow is better than no." It’s something I learned from endurance-running. I've brought it over to my life, and it has helped me greatly because I’ve always been in a rush to win at a race that nobody else is competing in. It reminds me to slow down and make more realistic goals and timeframes.

Share a recent win with us: as parents and/or as community organizers!

Vivi:

As a mum, I am trying really hard to celebrate my wins and not only think about the challenges of parenthood. A recent win for mama Vivi is the fact that I feel less guilty and less of a burden when I take some time for myself. And I try to do that more often lately.

As a community organizer, I was very happy with our second Swap & Meet event, which was a success. I organized a casual meetup with other Greek mums in Amsterdam where we brought items (clothes, books, toys, etc) that we don't need and swapped with stuff from other mums.

Liam:

I watched both my kids excitedly doing yoga the other day because they’ve seen their daddy huffing and puffing and falling over during balance exercises and wanted to replicate what I was doing. The power of that action helped cement in my mind that these kids are learning so much more by witnessing my actions. It gave me such a boost to be the best role-model I can be for them — not only with fitness and flexibility but also with my actions, character and compassion I put out into the world.

What about parenting has been more challenging than you expected? How do you navigate the "double demand" of raising your own family while building a village for others?

"It requires a lot of energy and time to build a village for others. But giving comes easier when you also "take" a lot from this community building." - Vivian

Vivi:

The expectations I had versus the reality has been a real wake up call for me. The fact that not everything is as straightforward as it has been continuously portrayed throughout my life was really tough in the beginning. This whilst trying to balance life as a working mum with two young kids. It requires a lot of energy and time to build a village for others. But at the same time, this has been a very rewarding experience so far and it has motivated me a lot. Giving comes easier when you also "take" a lot from this community building.

Liam:

I never knew how much becoming a parent would help me on my journey to heal my inner-child. It helped me repair my relationship and love for both my parents in different ways. I came to understand that both of my parents didn’t really have enough of a father figure in their childhood, and so the love and care they gave me was actually so much more than I ever realised. Yes, it wasn’t perfect. But perfect doesn’t exist and they gave me the love of a supportive mother and father doing the best that they can. They inspired me to build upon their hard work and do better than them, because that’s the goal in all of this: leave things better than you found them to be yourself.

If you could give one piece of advice for building community to a parent who feels isolated right now, what would it be?

Vivi:

Don't be scared to ask for help. You don't need to stretch yourself thin, do everything on your own and suffer in silence. People really want to help and connect if you let them. It is tough being open and vulnerable, but so worth it. So send that message to the mum you met at the baby class, join that WhatsApp group with other parents and talk to that parent at the playground.

Liam:

We’re all making it up as we go along. Having community building be front and center in your mind helps you ask for the help you might need at a specific moment. What is one person’s burden is another person wheelhouse.

I think deep down we’re all the little kids that we used to be, before the world taught us to conform to it. So listen to that little kid more often. Sometimes you can’t and that’s fine — but the more you try, the easier it gets and it will make you life much much fuller and more meaningful when you soothe the needs and desires of ‘little you’ :-)

Where can the community find and support Dads Do Art and Greek Mamas In NL?

Vivi:

We have a WhatsApp community with local groups based on where mums are located and a general chat group. There is also a Facebook group (Greek Mamas In NL | Ελληνίδες μαμάδες στην Ολλανδία) and I recently created an Instagram account (@greekmama.nl) where I am sharing more of what we are organising, events I find for Greek speaking kids, etc.

You can find the Greek Mamas In NL community links in the Groups Directory.

Liam:

@dadsdoart on Instagram and most of the other social platforms.

Due to my procrastination/ADD, I only have stuff on Instagram at the moment. I'm trying to make things 1% better wherever and however I can, because 1% is a great way to start stuff and over time that stuff adds up!