I’m back at work after maternity leave and my ADHD is out of control. I’m spending all my time just trying to keep things going. It’s really overwhelming. Help!

Being a good mom, showing up at work, finding time for yourself and managing your ADHD... No wonder it’s feeling like too much! Returning to work is tough for anyone, but the unique challenges posted by ADHD mean that you’re playing the parenting game on Hard Mode. We turned to ADHD specialist Dr. Annebeth Dekker-Kuijs for advice. Read on for her tips — which are great even for those who aren’t facing challenges in the executive function department.

Our answer

"Embrace the imperfection. It’s about progress, not perfection," says Dr. Annebeth Dekker-Kuijs, Psychologist and ADHD specialist.

First and foremost – don’t try to be perfect.

Embrace the imperfection. It’s about progress, not perfection. Maybe your house isn’t picture-perfect. Maybe you’re not serving your kid the home-made, Michelin-quality meals of your dreams. It’s fine. Find the areas where you can lower the bar and give yourself permission to do it.

Schedule yourself like you do your kid.

Your baby wouldn’t do well without regular food, naps, movement… and guess what? Neither do you. Write down what your basic needs are and list where they can fit into your day. If you’re consistently finding there’s no time to get outside or to have a decent meal, it may be a sign that you need to reassess and reprioritize what you’re getting up to during your day.

Manage expectations and outsource.

This is the time to learn to set boundaries and ask for help. If you can afford a cleaner or a couple nights of takeout, do it. Talk honestly with your partner about your energy levels and what you can take on. Think carefully before committing to any new projects, and be honest with the people around you about what you have capacity for. It might feel scary at first, but it will be a relief to not add more to your plate.

Give yourself buffer time.

Time blindness is real. Which is fine – as long as you account for it. If you have to be somewhere by a specific time, plan the rest of your day backwards and factor in time for unexpected delays so you’re not constantly stressed out by lateness.

For instance – you need to be at daycare pickup at 5:30, and it takes about 10 minutes to get there. So you clock off at 5:20, get ready to go, realize you can’t find your keys… then suddenly it’s 5:35 and you’re just putting your coat on.

Try reframing it as, “5:30 pickup means leaving the house at 5:15, which means getting ready at 5:05, which means wrapping up work at 5.” Now, you’ve built in time to look for your keys, and it’s ok that you remembered that you needed to send that last email. f it turns out that everything’s running according to plan, you’ll have time to take a breather.

Educate yourself and the people around you.

Knowledge is power, particularly in your case. The more you know about how your brain works and what your triggers are, the more you can learn to anticipate what’s going to happen and find a work-around. Same goes for your loved ones. Stay curious, keep learning, and find new ways to check in with yourself and assess how things are going.

Looking for a good place to start? Try here.

Take preventative action.

Feeling on edge? Set yourself up for success with an overwhelm emergency kit that you can take with you when you’re on the go. It might include things like earplugs or headphones for noisy places, sunglasses for bright lights, a pen to doodle with or a fidget to play with when you’re getting anxious.

Have fun with it.

The ADHD struggle is real – but so is the playfulness and creativity that comes with it. Tap into this by finding ways to bring unexpected joy into your daily routine. This might be everything from gamifying your to-do lists, using aesthetically pleasing office supplies, finding a friend to act as an accountability partner, or building yourself a dopa-menu.

If you can bring in a little fun, then you’ll be more likely to actually get everything done, in a way that you can actually maintain.